Fix body language

How can I get over the love of my life punishing me?

Ok, here is my problem...unrequited love. I am gay. I met this guy 8 months ago who is a Barista in a coffee shop. He is 15 years younger than me. I am 35. He is 20. When we first met I immediately felt a chemistry of sexual attraction. I have excellent gaydar and always have. After getting to know him I believed he was discreetly gay or Bi. I am intelligent enough that I don’t stereotype people ever. I was in the closet until I met him and chose to come out to him thinking he might do the same and want to do something together. On two occasions when we were alone for a couple of minutes, he sent out signals or body language making me suspect he was gay. It was not flirting. He was pulling up his shirt and telling me to feel his muscles and bending down by me closely wrapping his arms around my legs showing me wrestling moves. This is a guy who does not like other people touching him by the way. Another time he was bending over giving me an *** shot then turning around and just staring at me for a few minutes. SO, we have become friends over this 8 month period and I have fallen in love with him. I was silent about how I felt about him until just a few weeks ago. He told me he was not in love with me because he is straight. I have been stuck with the uncertainty of these signals wondering if he was being cruel or just playing hi and low with my emotions. This is a guy who paints his toenails pink and wears them openly with sandals at work, his mom thinks he is gay, tells me when he sees a hot guy saying ‘dude he is hot’... He also tells me he loves the male physique but not in a sexual way because he is secure in his sexuality and has told me he has ****** two other guys 4 or 5 years ago. I think he could be bisexual, but he says your either gay or straight. So he met this woman who is 25. This woman he met is a student psychologist. I have seen a major change in him as if she controls him like a puppy on a leash. He claims after he had sex with her that he definately knew he was straight after having doubts about his sexuality for years. They have been living together for 4 months now. Him and his girlfriend are the only ones I have told I am gay. He promised me he will never tell anyone I am gay. He is really cocky and arrogant now and neglects all of his friends and family. His whole life just revolves around him and her 99% of the time. Now that he has moved in with her, he brags about the sex marathons and it just kills me. He knows I am in love with him and it pains me to see the two of them together. She also knows that I am in love with him and pours it on thick when they are around me. I have come to know him as my best friend. I feel for him 2 months before she came into the picture. However, he told me he loves me as a friend and that is as far as it will go. He says he is totally comfortable with me being gay. I have accepted this painful reality. He has told me age is just a number and he has lots of friends different ages. So our 15 year age gap is not even an issue with him. This I know for sure. So, I shift to the friendship part of this. I have put 8 long months into this friendship and thousands of dollars I have given to him and lots of great gifts because I truly love him as my best friend. I even give him a ride home after he gets off work all the time only to drop him off at her apartment. I have spent hundreds on gas just driving 20 miles to see him and 20 miles home. I always text him at least 3 times a week or come in to help him close at work and clean up the dirt and filth of the day while he counts the till. He says all his time goes to his girlfriend and I understand that. He said all he has time for me is to just sit and talk for an hour or so. So we sat down and had a long talk which he told me his heart was not in it to be best friends with me and afterwards I became very emotional and broke down and stormed off angry. Every since then he is ignoring me, not answering calls or texts, or anything knowing how bad I am hurting. My heart is broken and I feel so used and alone. Looking back he always accepted my gifts and money but never called me once to do anything friends do or initiated any texts unless it was a question about her. How can I get over this man who I am so in love with and heal my broken split in half heart? This was not infatuation but true love and man does this hurt. Oh, I can’t get him out of my life because he still has a room at a mutual friend of ours house that he has not completely moved out of and wants to keep it as a place to “hang his hat” as he says if he ever needs to. My life has been turned upside down. I can’t sleep or anything else without thinking of him. My heart hurts so bad and I have cried enough tears to fill a lake. It doesn’t seem like he even cares about me as a friend as his omission of silence is so cruel. I am being punished by him for expressing my true feelings and who I am as a human being and it hurts. I feel like a piece of discarded garbage. Please help...NO HATERS...SERIOUS ANSWERS FOR A HURTING HEART PLEASE!

Public Comments

1. It didn't work out. Move on. Let it go. Heal. Recover. Get balanced. Give it some time. And, then, go find new love. Think more about who that new love will be than about the love you have lost. Pretend with all of your heart that you are preparing yourself, growing balanced and well for that NEW love waiting out there for you to appear someday. Be as ready as you can for that NEW love.
2. Regardless who you have been hurt by, it will only hurt more if you stick around this guy. Just stop talking to him delete his number and move on. He obviously isnt interested. Sounds llike you threw a lot of money into your relationship in hopes he would see that and maybe feel the same way as you. Money cant buy love. who knows maybe hes gay or bi he may be into this girl for real. just be happy for him and keep on looking its the only way you can come out of this gracefully
3. I hate to say this, but though there were some signs that he may be gay, there were also signs he didn't like you like that. Maybe he was bi, but he's found someone that he cares about and is very happy with. I think the only thing you can do is just to move on and try to forget him. It may be hard, but you can do it. Best of luck.
4. You've asked this question FIVE TIMES in less than a day. I think it is time that you started PAYING ATTENTION to some of the very good advice you have already received. Right now you are in violation of the community guidelines... http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/info/community_guidelines.php It's right down there at number 20 in the "don'ts" list. Stop before someone reports you.
5. Mate, you're a stalker! Get over it. Leave the poor fella alone!! Your obsession has pushed him away from you. YOU ruined what could have been a normal friendship, by wanting / demanding so much more.
6. I'm so sorry - I can 'hear' how broken up you are over this guy. I could tell you he's not worth it, but you won't believe me because you still love him. I don't know if he treated you this poorly on purpose or if he was just thoughtless and careless of your feelings. Either way, the result is the same. I believe you truly love him - but I'm not sure he loves anyone other than himself right now. Maybe because of his youth - or maybe he will always be emotionally immature. Try to separate from him emotionally - don't continue to call or text him, don't give him any more rides, and don't give him any more money. Of course you will feel wretched when you see him, so don't go out of your way to create or extend those occasions. Here's to hoping your broken heart will start to heal soon.....
7. I agree, time is a great healer it's not meant to be. There's always better around the corner. You sound like a generous guy don't waste your money or time. Find someone who appreciates you and will return your kindness and love. You deserve better. If he's unsure of himself let him find out the hard way, maybe one day he'll hurt as bad as you feel now. But.... you'll be with someone new. Chin up , best of luck.