Fix body language

Is this a good body paragraph for my COLLEGE ESSAY?

Please tell me if its wrong or anything I should rephrase or fix? Is the grammar and punctuation correct? Also, do you think its wrong to say ''you'' in this essay? Like you will see here I did. --------------------------------------... When I was ten years old my family immigrated from Azerbaijan to America I was petrified with anxiety about adapting to the new culture and mastering the new language. My mother, however, made a bold move and found a job. She was not fluent in English and lacked work experience. After a few years of exhausting labor, my mother went to college to earn her Bachelor's Degree in Nursing. I have watched her study for hours, with several, massive books laid out on the table. I would often ask her, ''Mom, how can you study so much?'' and she would always reply, ''sometimes in life, we have to do things we don't want to, to achieve those we do.'' I really began to understand the importance of being responsible and cr creating your own path in life, however you want to shape it.

Public Comments

1. its good but it ends kind of abruptly.
2. No really major grammatical problems. There are a couple of run-on sentences, most notably the very first one. Put a period after "America." Also, I think you're a little comma happy when discussing your mom's study habits.