Fix body language

How Can I get over the love of my life punishing me?

Ok, here is my problem...unrequited love. I am gay. I met this guy 8 months ago who is a Barista in a coffee shop. He is 15 years younger than me. I am 35. He is 20. When we first met I immediately felt a chemistry of sexual attraction. I have excellent gaydar and always have. After getting to know him I believed he was discreetly gay or Bi. I am intelligent enough that I don’t stereotype people ever. I was in the closet until I met him and chose to come out to him thinking he might do the same and want to do something together. On two occasions when we were alone for a couple of minutes, he sent out signals or body language making me suspect he was gay. It was not flirting. He was pulling up his shirt and telling me to feel his muscles and bending down by me closely wrapping his arms around my legs showing me wrestling moves. This is a guy who does not like other people touching him by the way. Another time he was bending over giving me an *** shot then turning around and just staring at me for a few minutes. SO, we have become friends over this 8 month period and I have fallen in love with him. I was silent about how I felt about him until just a few weeks ago. He told me he was not in love with me because he is straight. I have been stuck with the uncertainty of these signals wondering if he was being cruel or just playing hi and low with my emotions. This is a guy who paints his toenails pink and wears them openly with sandals at work, his mom thinks he is gay, tells me when he sees a hot guy saying ‘dude he is hot’... He also tells me he loves the male physique but not in a sexual way because he is secure in his sexuality and has told me he has ****** two other guys 4 or 5 years ago. I think he could be bisexual, but he says your either gay or straight. So he met this woman who is 25. This woman he met is a student psychologist. I have seen a major change in him as if she controls him like a puppy on a leash. He claims after he had sex with her that he definately knew he was straight after having doubts about his sexuality for years. They have been living together for 4 months now. Him and his girlfriend are the only ones I have told I am gay. He promised me he will never tell anyone I am gay. He is really cocky and arrogant now and neglects all of his friends and family. His whole life just revolves around him and her 99% of the time. Now that he has moved in with her, he brags about the sex marathons and it just kills me. He knows I am in love with him and it pains me to see the two of them together. She also knows that I am in love with him and pours it on thick when they are around me. I have come to know him as my best friend. I feel for him 2 months before she came into the picture. However, he told me he loves me as a friend and that is as far as it will go. He says he is totally comfortable with me being gay. I have accepted this painful reality. He has told me age is just a number and he has lots of friends different ages. So our 15 year age gap is not even an issue with him. This I know for sure. So, I shift to the friendship part of this. I have put 8 long months into this friendship and thousands of dollars I have given to him and lots of great gifts because I truly love him as my best friend. I even give him a ride home after he gets off work all the time only to drop him off at her apartment. I have spent hundreds on gas just driving 20 miles to see him and 20 miles home. I always text him at least 3 times a week or come in to help him close at work and clean up the dirt and filth of the day while he counts the till. He says all his time goes to his girlfriend and I understand that. He said all he has time for me is to just sit and talk for an hour or so. So we sat down and had a long talk which he told me his heart was not in it to be best friends with me and afterwards I became very emotional and broke down and stormed off angry. Every since then he is ignoring me, not answering calls or texts, or anything knowing how bad I am hurting. My heart is broken and I feel so used and alone. Looking back he always accepted my gifts and money but never called me once to do anything friends do or initiated any texts unless it was a question about her. How can I get over this man who I am so in love with and heal my broken split in half heart? This was not infatuation but true love and man does this hurt. Oh, I can’t get him out of my life because he still has a room at a mutual friend of ours house that he has not completely moved out of and wants to keep it as a place to “hang his hat” as he says if he ever needs to. My life has been turned upside down. I can’t sleep or anything else without thinking of him. My heart hurts so bad and I have cried enough tears to fill a lake. It doesn’t seem like he even cares about me as a friend as his omission of silence is so cruel. I am being punished by him for expressing my true feelings and who I am as a human being and it hurts. I feel like a piece of discarded garbage. Please help...NO HATERS...SERIOUS ANSWERS FOR A HURTING HEART PLEASE!

Public Comments

1. This is a sad tale It sounds to me an impartial observer that he played you from the start he got you interested and then had you pursue him and then kept you interested but at arms length by pretending to be your best friend Then after you had showered him with gifts and attention he pushed you away . This sounds like a nasty piece of work to me , and if it hurts your feeling I'm sorry , but in all honesty as I tell most people here on answers in a situation like yours you deserve better than to be treated this way, so pack away the tears get your azz out there and play the game Mr Right is out there looking for you don't hide away sobbing in a corner give him a chance to find this sensitive guy to love
2. Oh sweetie! I'm sooo sorry you had to go through this! I'm actually going through a similar situation, although I'm not gay, with the father of my child. Everything was going great, he was really great to me - would buy me gifts, help me fix up my house, keep my car clean, etc., and so we moved in together. But, we agreed that the money he was about to come into (he's in the military) he would use to pay off bills, and the rest that he was going to use to get his own place we would use instead toward my house that would become ours. We'd make a life together, fix up my house, and eventually buy a new one that was officially ours. Then, I got pregnant (I was on the pill) accidentally. Then I came to find out he had a serious gambling problem to which he was spending all of paycheck on each week! Then, my personal bills like house and car payment got so late that they were about to repo my car, and all he could say was: "Oh, I don't know where all our money is going!" Meanwhile, I'm paying everything I possibly can with my own check. THEN, I find out that he got a personal loan against his vehicle (which was paid for at the time) and to this day I still don't know why he got the money, or how much. He agreed to a truck payment that was as much as our house payment, without so much as a thought about me or the baby in his head!!! Needless to say, I asked him to move out, get his stuff straight, and we could be together as a family, me, him and the baby! He just recently told me that he'd like to come over and spend the night. I asked him if it was just about sex to him, and he said, "Ya know, I don't get you - you act like we're together or something, and I do love you, but if I want to date someone else, I want to without feeling guilty! It's like you don't want me, and don't want anyone else to have me! I feel smothered by you, I do love you, and I don't have anyone else to date, but if I had the option, I want to! You can do better than me, and better without me!" I was furious! I couldn't believe that he would say that to me! I'm the mother or his child, and all I want is a family, and he tells me one minute he loves me, and tells me he wants to date someone else if he has the opportunity the next! That's not love... what you describe is love - total devotion, without so much as a thought of someone else in your mind! I'm so sorry that things are the way they are for you... I told you my long story to try to point out that you're not alone! And the best thing for both of us to do is move on, without them. We need to start to separate our lives as much as possible from these men, and try to realized that they are users.... and we CAN do better without them! And, you didn't do anything wrong... not at all! Don't think you're being punished. He's a user, and so is his new girlfriend. They will try to hurt you, to watch you squirm... he wants you to pine over him - that's what makes him feel like a man. Well, guess what honey, he's not one! I know it hurts... but it's time to move on. He'll never love you the way you deserve. Just sever your ties, don't call him or have any correspondance with him. You'll find someone who will appreciate you - even though you're gay! Don't EVER apologize for the way you are! Good luck, sweetie! Email me if you need to talk more!
3. First of all I am sorry you are hurting so bad. I am a straight woman, but, there is no difference when someone hurts us. If you were straight and the woman treated you like that, it would have ended the same way I too have let myself be treated badly by someone more than once and actually thought it was all their fault. Not so! This man knew you were gay and still made flirty gestures to you. He has used you for his own entertainment and does not deserve to even be on your radar screen. Sharing information about his girlfriend should have told you he had NO feelings for you. This man is cruel and please dont waste too much time crying over him. I know that is easier said than done, but, You will do it and CAN do it with time. While you are waisting your time being upset over that heel you could be out maybe meeting someone who deserves you. Let it go and move on,. you owe it to yourself as a newly OUT gay man to treat yourself well. Good luck to you and I wish you happiness. You will find it.
4. My heart goes out to you. You are going to have to let him go,don't even try to communicate with him.He was using you to his advantage. You deserve someone who can return the feelings whether they are your friend or romantic interest. Goodluck and get on with your life WITHOUT him,I know it will be hard to do but if you do not look out for yourself who will?